This is not a press release

Discussion in 'Indie Business' started by Musenik, Dec 10, 2004.

  1. Musenik

    Original Member

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    Would the pro's here be willing to comment on my current draft of a press release? I'd really like to start strong when my product hits the web.

    Here's the full draft:


    For immediate release
    (release date)

    Contact: Keith Nemitz
    Company: Mousechief Co.
    E-mail: chief@mousechief.com
    web: www.mousechief.com


    Finally, there's something new to play besides puzzlers and simple action games!

    Mousechief proudly releases, The Witch's Yarn, the very first adventure game developed for casual gamers. Tired of clones and retreads? Isn't it time to wrap yourself up in a rich, delightful story? Built with the CineProse(tm) adventure engine, YOU decide what happens, how the plot thickens, and most importantly, how it ends. Is it a movie, is it a book, or is it a wonderful new, interactive entertainment all its own? Find out now!

    The Witch´s Yarn is an upbeat tale of modern living served with a lighthearted dish of fantasy. Although suitable for audiences of all ages, adults will fully appreciate its humor and content. It is a story about relationships, community, self-empowerment, and simple living. Challenges in the game arise from the very same issues but present themselves by adding to, not interrupting, the story.

    Anyone who likes to sink into a pile of couch cushions for "a good read" will enjoy this humor-filled tale about making a new life in unfamiliar territory. Play for one minute or one hour. The Witch's Yarn is designed to be as easy to pick up and enjoy as reading a book.

    Versions for Macintosh AND Windows 98/ME/2000/2003/XP are available immediately for free download. After previewing the first two chapters, unlock the full game for $19.95 (USD).

    Game Tunnel's Editor in Chief published this about The Witch's Yarn, "...provides very innovative game play that will likely get this game noticed. ...I think it is something that everyone can appreciate."

    The Witch's Yarn can be securely downloaded at http://www.witchsyarn.com/

    Registered users are entitled to unlimited play, free updates and technical support.


    About Mousechief Co.

    Founded in 2003, Mousechief is lead by a 12 year veteran of the computer gaming industry. Working with art talents from famous jazz musicians to highly skilled illustrators, we craft unique, fun-filled experiences for the casual game market. Our games will delight your senses as much as they will expand your heart.


    # # #


    For more information about The Witch's Yarn, contact Mousechief Co. at:


    E-mail: chief@mousechief.com

    Company site: http://www.Mousechief.com/
    Company logo: http://www.Mousechief.com/mousechief_logo2.png

    Game site: http://www.TheWitchsYarn.com/
    Game logo: http://www.Mousechief.com/wheel.png

    Screenshots:
    http://www.TheWitchsYarn.com/ss1.html
    http://www.TheWitchsYarn.com/ss2.html
    http://www.TheWitchsYarn.com/ss3.html
    http://www.TheWitchsYarn.com/ss4.html

    PC download: http://p4.hostingprod.com/@mousechief.com/TheWitchsYarn.zip
    Mac download: http://p4.hostingprod.com/@mousechief.com/TheWitchsYarn.dmg
     
  2. Reactor

    Moderator Original Member Indie Author

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    Looks good to me... good enough I wanted to try your demo ;)

    One problem though...

    On your website it says "Win98+". Initially I missed the little + sign and wondered (for about a millisecond) if it was for 98 only. It may confuse a casual gamer. Better to have "Win98 and later." or something along those lines.
     
  3. terin

    Original Member

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    Critique

    In case you don't know Keith, I run a company that writes press releases and do the releases for Matrix Games. Keep in mind that WRITING a press release is the easy part, finding the contacts to release it to is the hard part. Lucky for you we have already done that, E-mail me at webmaster@vgsmart.com or visit our website at www.vgsmart.com for information on our PR service. I'm sure someone on this forum will vouch for how successful our PR service is.

    Here's my critique:

    Fix that title, it has to be catchy and brief. Most editors are only going to read your title and maybe your first sentence, make it tighter.

    Add a URL as early as posible. Mycompany (www.mycompany.com) has release mygame.

    Standard Press format is something like this:

    Smallville, Alabama, December 10th, 2004- as the first "sentence" of the release.

    You use the term casual gamers. Don't. A) Most editors don't think people care about casual games and B) Most PEOPLE don't know the term and those that DO are NOT casual gamers!

    Last sentences of the first paragraph are boarderline too promotional. I'm not saying I suggest changing it, but I am saying to be cautious and to maybe rethink how that reads. Asking questions is a great tool in a press release but I misread it the first time and didnt realize they were questions. Maybe "It IS a movie, it IS a book, and it IS an interactive entertainment experience. Discover it now!"

    Specs are ok, but I would leave it at available for Mac and Windows systems. Why tell people what systems? Casual gamers may not even KNOW their OS but I don't think many people are going to have Windows95.

    Don't post price. I never understood people's obsession with posting price... you are a game that is trying to sell by creating a cliffhanger (god I hope that was your objective). By saying price you are risking turning someone away before they sit down and get wrapped up in your storyline.

    Don't quote other sites. We all love gametunnel and I would gladly deliver them as much publicity as I could, but no editor wants to put a competitor into a post on their own site!

    Good job with re-posting a link to the site. The about section is fine also.

    After the ### you should really use the name of the person to contact. Its just a matter of making it as easy as possible for editors to contact you.

    For More Information Contact Joe Joe at Mousechief Company at ...

    The focus of this press release is on the game, the game information should come first.

    The order should be:

    For more info
    game site
    game screenshots
    game logo
    PC Download
    Mac Download
    Main Company Site
    Main Company Logo

    Best of luck, hopeyou consider using VGsmart for all your press release and writing needs... and we could have written your press release for 25 dollars... saved you a lot of trouble :) but hey! Life is a learning experience and I am happy to spread knowledge like the plague... no wait, that didn't sound right.

    Sincerely,
     
  4. Musenik

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    Thank you Joeseph. I greatly appreciate your comments. I'll be updating my draft today.

    As for the 'title', I didn't know it had one. The title of my posting was to warn the community here that I wasn't actually posting a press release, which will eventually be posted to a different section of this forum. You made it sound like a title's pretty important. I'll have to come up with one.

    Interesting point about 'casual gamers'. Sounds good.

    I post the price because that is the first thing I want to know about a product, and when press releases don't, I assume the worst. This way people know my price is right in line with other products in this category.

    I see what you mean about mentioning Game Tunnel, but I'd like to quote a review instead of what so many other press releases quote, their own staff. I'll drop the site name and say '...one review has this to say' or some such.
     
  5. 20thCenturyBoy

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    I know you're not asking for game feedback, but what the hell, the press release was intriguing...

    It certainly is different! There doesn't seem to be any in-game pleas for the player to purchase the full game. When you click Quit it's BAM - back to the desktop with no warning. Is that intentional? I would think it's not what most users expect. I realise it may be part of the bookmarking system. However when I restarted the game it offered to recommence from the bookmark but it crashed at that point. I had to ALT_TAB and close the game.

    Also the hereoine's name is mispelled about 1 minute into the game (Wenesday instead of Wednesday).

    On your website there is no means to purchase the game? And how come the Mac download is a full version while the PC is a demo?

    Good luck anyway with your game :)

    20thCB
     
  6. Musenik

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    Thanks for the crash bug report, 20thCB. I know exactly what that is. My chief tester is going to get coal for Christmas for that one. I'll have a fix up before noon, PST. Fortunately, I haven't officially announced the game for exactly this reason. There's always something that crops up at the end.

    The instant quit is deliberate. The purpose of verifying a quit is to safeguard the lost of game state, as this game auto-saves on quit, it doesn't have to annoy the player.

    Unfortunately, I'm stuck with a Windows demo for a few weeks, because my purchase system company delayed it's windows library by a month, or more... grrr.

    off to my dev environment.
     
  7. Musenik

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    For anyone who's already downloaded the game from our unannounced release. I just uploaded a version that fixes the bug 20thCB found. Uninstall your current version and install the new one. BE SURE TO START A NEW GAME. DO NOT START FROM THE BOOKMARK. Quiting and relaunching to the bookmark will work fine after that.

    Actually, I'm the one to blame for missing this in our FC testing. We'd had such great success with our simultaneous cross-platform development, we got fooled. I'd made a change that worked fine on Mac, and our tests proved it. But with the Windows demo, over the course of a day of testing, neither myself or the lead tester actually quit and restarted the game. Although the demo version is so short, we traversed almost the entire state map.

    The misspelling is also my fault. I missed a few corrections on the proofreader's notes. They were there, plain as day, but slipped past me as I was correcting the scripts.

    Let that be a lesson to me...
     
  8. terin

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    Title

    I meant the title of the press release

    "Finally, there's something new to play besides puzzlers and simple action games!"

    Its a really bad title. I'm sure a gifted story teller can think of a better one.

    My most recent title was

    "Wargamers Besiege Gates of Troy" (For the release of Gates of Troy)

    -Joe
     
  9. Musenik

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    Here is an updated draft of the press release.


    Mousechief Weaves New Class of Game for Download Market

    Emeryville, CA, Dec 13, 2004 -- Mousechief (www.mousechief.com) proudly releases, The Witch's Yarn, the first adventure game developed specifically for the downloadable market. Tired of clones and retreads? Finally, there's something new to play besides puzzlers and simple action games. Isn't it time to wrap yourself up in a rich, delightful story? Built with the CineProse(tm) adventure engine, YOU decide what happens, how the plot thickens, and most importantly, how it ends. Combining the best of movies, live theater, and the written word, the CineProse experience is a wonderful new, interactive entertainment!

    The Witch´s Yarn tells an upbeat tale of modern living served with a lighthearted dish of fantasy. Although suitable for audiences of all ages, adults will fully appreciate its humor and content. It is a story about relationships, community, self-empowerment, and simple living. Challenges in the game arise from the very same issues but present themselves by adding to, not interrupting, the story.

    Anyone who likes to sink into a pile of couch cushions for "a good read" will enjoy this humor-filled tale about making a new life in unfamiliar territory. Play for one minute or one hour. The Witch's Yarn was designed to be as easy to pick up and enjoy as reading a book.

    Versions for Macintosh and Windows are available immediately for free download. After previewing the first two chapters, unlock the full game for $19.95 (USD).

    One published review had this to say, "...provides very innovative game play that will likely get this game noticed. ...I think it is something that everyone can appreciate."

    The Witch's Yarn can be securely downloaded at http://www.witchsyarn.com/

    Registered users are entitled to unlimited play, free updates and technical support.


    About Mousechief Co.

    Founded in 2003, Mousechief is lead by a 12 year veteran of the computer gaming industry. We believe that current adventure games do not address the constraints of the casual game market. In our user testing, the majority of a sample population was unable to perform basic control over the main character. That's why we re-invented the genre specifically for this market. Thus, the CineProse style of adventure game was born. Subsequent testing of computer novices showed that 100% of ages 8 to 78 were able to pick up and play The Witch's Yarn.

    Working with art talents from famous jazz musicians to highly skilled illustrators, Mousechief crafts unique, fun-filled experiences for the casual game market. Our games will delight your senses as much as they will expand your heart. We make play worthwhile.


    # # #


    For more information about The Witch's Yarn:


    Contact: Keith Nemitz
    Company: Mousechief Co.
    E-mail: chief@mousechief.com

    Company site: http://www.Mousechief.com/
    Company logo: http://www.Mousechief.com/mousechief_logo2.png

    Game site: http://www.TheWitchsYarn.com/
    Game logo: http://www.Mousechief.com/wheel.png

    Screenshots:
    http://www.TheWitchsYarn.com/ss1.html
    http://www.TheWitchsYarn.com/ss2.html
    http://www.TheWitchsYarn.com/ss3.html
    http://www.TheWitchsYarn.com/ss4.html

    PC download: http://p4.hostingprod.com/@mousechief.com/TheWitchsYarn.zip
    Mac download: http://p4.hostingprod.com/@mousechief.com/TheWitchsYarn.dmg
     
  10. GBGames

    Indie Author

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    Not that I am anywhere near an expert on press releases (I'll simply speak my own opinion here), but that line doesn't tell me anything about it. A new class of game for download market? I think it sounds sterile.

    I would try to work in something more solid into the title.

    "Wargamers besiege Gates of Troy" had the name of the game and some indication of what it is. You should maybe try something that incorporates "Witch's Yarn" into the title. Heck, I think "Mousechief Innovates with Witch's Yarn" works better, although still might not be optimal.

    Maybe incorporate the definition of yarn: "A long, often elaborate narrative of real or fictitious adventures; an entertaining tale"
     
  11. Bluecat

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    How about...

    • Mousechief spins a Witches Yarn. (Works with both meanings :D)
    • Mousechief tells a Witches Yarn.
    • Mousechief waxes lyrical with a Witches Yarn.
     
  12. GBGames

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    YES! That was where I was going with it, but I just couldn't find the words earlier. I like the first one. B-)
     
  13. terin

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    Hurrah

    Well done blue cat! That first one is a golden title for a press release. That's the type of thing that will catch someone's eye.

    Waxes lyrical? Crimminy Blue... what snake oil are you peddling? Free love?

    And while you're at it bring me some potpourri and a shiatzu.

    Sheesh, you're way to eurodite for this group blue ;-)

    -Joe
     
  14. Musenik

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    How about:

    Mousechief with The Witch's Yarn Entangles Web
     
  15. Musenik

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    On second thought, perhaps that should read:

    Mousechief Entangles Web with The Witch's Yarn
     
  16. Reactor

    Moderator Original Member Indie Author

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    LOL

    I love watching wording develop :) At the moment it sounds a bit all over the place to me... it doesn't 'roll of the tounge', so to speak. My lame attempts-

    "The Witch's Yarn, a Mousechief original."

    "A yarn is told, the stage awaits."

    As you can see, I'm having fun with this as well. On a side note- although I'm not a big fan of witches, I really enjoyed the demo. I hope you do really well with it.
     
  17. Bluecat

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    Sheesh. It was late Friday arvo after a long tiring (and somewhat disappointing) week. That often brings on exudations of effluence! :D

    Actually, I'm Australian, but am of European descent. ;)
     

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