Magical Diary (Sim/RPG) - Trailer feedback?

Discussion in 'Feedback Requests' started by papillon, Jun 6, 2011.

  1. papillon

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  2. DayDream

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    It looks interesting and yes it would be something worth giving a spin... but... [and here my somewhat over critical and sometimes rather anal artist opinion come in]... the font choice especially for longer texts like the spell book help could be improved. The font chosen works well for the title and headlines but for more text or the UI elements it feels wrong to me. Generally the UI feels lacking in design and just 'quickly added' and it's not conveying the magical idea of the game to me... The dungeon screen with the purple ui background and a rather comic-style font just doesn't 'gel' imho.

    I am looking forward to seeing more of the game... Good luck!
     
  3. Karja

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    Me likes. Looks like the sort of game I'd love to play. And I feel a slight urge to steal a few ideas for my next trailer as well.

    One thing though: given that the name of the game is Magical Diary, I started getting mental images of another sort of trailer before I viewed the video. Something like a girl telling her diary of all the strange things that happens at school (and showing the gameplay at the same time.)

    "Dear diary, today I started at the magic school. This is a dream come true! The older kids told me about all the cool classes I'll be attending, and of the dungeon in the basement. Did you know that they have puzzles for the students there, and even monsters running around! They introduced me to my classmates and they all seem friendly enough...but for some reason they warned me about one guy in particular... I wonder why?"

    Etc etc... But of course, since your budget probably allows as much voice acting as mine it's likely not doable.
     
  4. Cartman

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    The trailer looks pretty good. I agree with Daydream. The interface just doesn't pop for me. I also noticed that I kept getting debug errors when the video was playing, expecially when it was showing the animated text between video.

    ReferenceError: Error #1069: Property status not found on String and there is no default value.
    at MethodInfo-34()
    at flash.events::EventDispatcher/dispatchEventFunction()
    at flash.events::EventDispatcher/dispatchEvent()
    at flash.net::URLLoader/onComplete()

    Keep up the great work. I'm eager to hear how this project works out for you.
     
  5. papillon

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    Yeah, UI design is NOT my strong point, and I have difficulty finding people who do specialise in that at the times when I need them. (Partly because I have trouble figuring out all of the elements that need to be done at once in order to arrange them into a single unified request.) Most of the ui is going for a "fun cartoon" feel because that was something I could at least halfway pull off with enough work. Not too likely to be overhauled at this exact point, but this is supposed to be the first in a series if it does well and since with stage 2 I _will_ have a clear example of everything to work from, could probably upgrade it then.

    I actually at one point was wanting to do a voiceover trailer, trying to get the 'madcap antics' feeling by having an overexcited girl talking at high speed rattling off all the things that had been happening to her lately, but I'm partly too low on energy after everything lately to write a sufficiently funny script for that. Not to mention having to find someone who can do good high-speed delivery. :)

    The 'diary' of the title is partly diary-as-dayplanner (because scheduling activities is a large part of gameplay) but there is also an ingame diary with entries like that for all the events that happen. Which is IMO pretty handy for this kind of game with so many possible outcomes; if you load up a saved game you can flip back through the diary to remember which variants of the plot THIS particular character was doing.


    Weird; that's likely to be something funny going on with the host website, though. The video wasn't flash originally.
     
  6. lennard

    Moderator Original Member Indie Author

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    I'm trying to figure out where you are going with this. It looks like it is marketed to kids but it takes a hard right into adult land near the end - who is your market for this game?
     
  7. papillon

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    same as most of my stuff - Teens+. VN/DatingSim fans, RPG players, and fanfic fans. The core concept was basically fanfiction, with all of its tropes and weird possibilities, as a game. The default character name is "Mary Sue" and you can give her sparkly fairy wings!
     
  8. Jack Norton

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    Her market always was teenager girls with devious sexual tastes :D
    ...
    I was joking!! That was actually me.
     
  9. DayDream

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    I took some time this morning... in 1/2 zombie-precoffee-mode to 'clean up' the UI a little bit... I am not sure yet what can be done with the tech you are using... but it might be a start... ;)

    [​IMG]
     
  10. Cartman

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    You must be getting soft Chris. I expected this mockup to show up yesterday. :) Great job as always.
     
  11. david story

    david story New Member

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    The trailer got my interest tickled enough to see more. Has the feel of a pre-teen game, to me, as is. The fanfiction idea also sounds interesting. More please! Cool music, btw.
     
  12. SLotman

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    I'm no specialist, but the trailer looks good to me too - The only thing was the "twist" - which if I wasn't paying attention to the dialog, I wouldn't notice it at all.
    Maybe changing the character expression, or zooming in on the text (and shaking the screen, something kind of "wacky") may turn things more obviously, I don't know.

    Btw: If she doesn't want that UI design, can I have it? It very good, and would fit like a glove in a cartoon/rpg/word game I'm planning :)
     
  13. EdMace

    EdMace New Member

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    I like the look of it. The text font caught my eye and drew me in. Planning any voice work for the trailer along with the text or just using text? I agree with lennard about the prospective age range of your target audience.The game looks like it may have some potential.
     
  14. Redwolf

    Redwolf New Member

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    I could see the market being girls from about 8 to 15. I think this game will entice those who have enjoyed Harry Potter as it's got the same sort of idea, but with a graphic-novel twist to it.
     

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