Featured [Feedback Required] Would like to know which story written is the best?

Discussion in 'Feedback Requests' started by Tereize, Oct 16, 2018.

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  1. 1. Lost Jungle

    2 vote(s)
    40.0%
  2. 2. Rescue

    1 vote(s)
    20.0%
  3. 3. Lone Snow Survivor: Live or Die

    2 vote(s)
    40.0%
  4. 4. One Step Ahead

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  1. Tereize

    Tereize New Member

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    Hi there,



    I'm now trying to create an indie game. Nothing too fancy, just trying to create a simple text based decision making game on iOS and google playstore. I have 4 stories to choose from, would be great if the Gamedev community can give some feedback on which you think is the most interesting and I should create?

    Genre of the game: Thriller



    1. Lost Jungle

    Player receives a signal from someone who is lost in an island after a cruise that went all wrong. As the story pans out, it turns out the Captain of the cruise was blackmailed into delivering the passengers to the "deserted" island. The mastermind, a wicked man who wishes to have live samples for his twisted experiments. The player's job is to make sure that the protagonist, whom you are in contact with, and escape the island safely. Guide him to his safe passage or his doom.

    Here's a sample of how the game will be like:

    Hello? Is anyone picking up my signal?

    I don’t know if there are any other ships stupid enough to have charted a course through this area, but if there are, I need you to answer me.

    CHOOSE: Who is this? -or- What seems to be the problem?

    Oh, um, hi. My name’s Kevin. Sorry, that probably isn’t very helpful, but the important part isn’t who I am, it’s what’s happened.

    I don’t know where we are, but we’ve run aground on what looks like some kind of jungle island.

    I was supposed to be cruising in to Japan for work, but weird things started happening out in the middle of the Atlantic.

    I suppose it’s too late to call in sick, huh?

    CHOOSE: Is there anyone there with you? -or- What happened in the Atlantic?

    Uh, well for starters, the captain started to get really jittery and sounded really nervous every time he came on to give us some announcement...

    2. Rescue

    Samantha Paige is a 28-year old female who works as a curator in the New York Metropolitan Museum. One day, the museum was invaded by a group of terrorists and is planning to kill the hostages if their demands are not met. The gamer, is playing as an FBI agent who has managed to establish comms with Samantha. Your job is to guide Samantha to safety while having her to act as the eyes and ears for the FBI and stop this threat.

    Two hours ago, the New York Metropolitan Museum was invaded by 8 members of the August Alliance, a Terrorist Organization based out of the Middle East that seeks the downfall of the United States.

    Since the invasion of the Museum, the terrorists are holding 58 guests and 16 workers of the museum hostage. All phones and communication devices were seized from the hostages. Weapons were also seized from the security guards at the Museum.

    Samantha was in the storage room when the invasion occurred and as such she has not been discovered yet by the terrorists. She still has her smartphone with her and she was able to put a call through to 911 where she was connected with the FBI negotiating team.

    You're Christian Law, Head of the FBI Negotiating Team and an FBI veteran of over 25 years, and your job is to guide Samantha to safety from members of the August Alliance who are searching for a cell signal they have detected in the building while using her as his eyes and ears within the museum to spy on the terrorists.

    3. Lone Snow Survivor: Live or Die

    Jolie’s Dad was a crooked and corrupt high court Judge who has made several harsh judgments against criminal and innocents alike in court cases, leading to death or life imprisonment. He is powerful and at all time is heavily guarded by armed body guards. It’s quite difficult for anyone to get to him, the community hates him but he’s well connected to high profile rich criminals and corrupt government officials that back him up with money, power and professional body guards. Jolie’s mum is quite the opposite, but her goodness makes no difference in the community because her husband’s condemnation of largely innocent persons found guilty by the law just to cover up for the malfeasances of the big wigs of the society is widely known. Many a times, Jolie’s mum is scared of walking in the street and people has started to reject her act of kindness and generosity, telling her to be kind to the society by changing her husband first. Jolie’s dad finally changed for good.

    Jolie is in higher institution (Oxford) studying Law. She started dating a guy named Carlos a Brazilian, a student of philosophy. They meet each other not long ago, and they fell in love so deep that they read and go everywhere together.

    Jolie was kidnapped with Carlos, when the latter was seeing her off to her hostel during the midnight hours, both coming from an outside campus night party. Jolie was half drunk when they were kidnapped.

    The next moment Jolie woke, she found herself naked with pant and bra, on a pile of straw in a snowy landscape, beside her lies a knife which was used to pin down a brown paper on which a letter was scribbled. Underneath the knife, holding the paper in place is the dead body of her “handsome Carlos”. The note on the dead body states that “Your dad should have danced to our tunes, he has dined with us for ages and now he’s a boy saint, he sentenced many to wilderness of life imprisonment, many received death on our behalf, now he has turned against us. We consider it worthy for you to experience a wilderness as his only child. We are generous to provide you a phone because people who are about to be executed are allowed to meet their loved ones. The phone inside your boot can only be used to contact one person, there is a listening device and tracker on it. Call your father and you both are dead; call any family member and you are dead. This is your own prison; if you survive for seven days, we will rescue you or you can get out of there alive. Break any of the rules and we will release the poison in the implant inside your buttock. We will know if you try to outsmart us, any physical rescue attempt from anyone will lead to your death. We are kind to remind you that there are snow wolves, rabbit, bears and caves all around. We have cameras all over, all we want from you is to struggle hard and survive as the condemned to death struggle on the wheel chair. You are welcome to save yourself in the cold. The only Tip we have for you is it get colder at night, enjoy your new life while it lasts.”

    The first thought that came to her mind is she needs a very knowledgeable person to help her navigate the snow land. She spotted two human skeletons around, one close by and the other a bit far away. She scared, hungry and feeling extremely cold. She then remembers that Carlos phone was with you “Name of Player” when he was seeing her off to her hostel last night. Mates nicknamed you “Plato genius” because you have studied and mastered humans mind, logic, animals, situations, history and problems as a philosophy student and great at it. She believes that you will understand the situation and you will be the only person she will call to tell her what to do to get out of the snow land alive. She needs to survive the extreme cold and the deadly animas around. She then called you, explained everything to you and ask for your help. The Player can help navigate her way through the dangerous snow. The faith of Jolie lies in your hands. The first decision the player will have to make is how to reduce the cold.

    Should she run? stay in one position? Call her dad? or take off the cloth on Carlos and wear it? Remove the knife and look for a rabbit for food? Locate a cave? Keep moving to avoid wild animals? Scream Loud for help? Swim in the cold stream ahead? Or kill a fish in the stream?


    4. One Step Ahead

    Your wife is missing and now you're searching for clues to find her back. Before her disappearance, there were signs of strange behaviour. Now you have to look around for clues left behind to know the reason behind her disappearance. There's more conspiracy that meets the eye.


    So, let me know which story #1, 2, 3, or 4 is more interesting. Thanks in advance everyone!
     
    #1 Tereize, Oct 16, 2018
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2018
  2. Ryoutarou

    Ryoutarou New Member

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    I kinda prefer the setting of the snow mountains as it gives a bigger sense of danger and urgency. Having said that, the story doesn't feel realistic enough, example lying naked in the snow, or her first thought is that she needs someone knowledgeable. I'd imagine that her first thought would be that it is cold and that she needs something warm immediately. The grammar errors kinda bugged me too
     
  3. Tereize

    Tereize New Member

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    Hey Ryoutarou,

    Thanks for the feedback. Really appreciate it.

    Yeah..., it's still a first draft, so please excuse me for the grammatical mistakes. :)
     
  4. Thelap

    Thelap New Member

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    Hey Tereize, some nice plots and writing here :) I grew up reading a lot of decision making-alternate story books from the Goosebumps titles. So any game like this is already intriguing to me. I did choose Lost Jungle as first choice, but I do think One Step Ahead has potential as it sounds like it has a lot of plot twists.

    At first glance though, It looks like you prefer to start with Lone Snow Survivor hehe.

    If you're looking for a beta tester, hit me up!
     
  5. Tereize

    Tereize New Member

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    Hey Thelap,

    Thanks for the feedback, and sure thing ;) Definitely will give a shoutout to you when there's a beta testing available! hehe :D
     
  6. Geoff Moore

    Geoff Moore New Member

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    Option 2 sounds pretty great to me, it's a really good concept for a choice game.
     
  7. Esteban5XG

    Esteban5XG New Member

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    First one writing reminds me of the Green Arrow story. It's cool, indeed. But I rather play the third one, the snow survivor, but not with the spanish names. Not sure that names fit good. Have you finally choosen the story to write about?
     

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