My girl friend left me

[joe]

Last week my girl friend left me. We shared our life 4 years together. Now its over. It hurts so much, but I already begin to feel a little bit better.

[Fabio]

You'll find a better one - no doubt. Be serene.

[Dyno Kid]

Its very hard and i bet your thinking what you did wrong, maybe spent to much time on the pc, not enough of the old doing things together etc.

Good luck m8 and yes it will get better, it always helps to have a good night out with the lads to get the old confidence back.

Darren.

[JoKa]

I'm glad over 12 years have passed since I went through this kind of hell and hopefully it will never happen again. Looking back, it has been the most painful thing that happened to me, but also the best thing in the long run, because it lead to an even luckier life. Since countless people share such an experience, take this as proof that things will become better again.

[moco]

It's hard when that happens, but don't let your chin drop. You can turn a negative situation into a positive one in a number of ways. Now, being single, every time you see a girl that takes your fancy, you can do something about it :)

[Sharpfish]

Now, being single, every time you see a girl that takes your fancy, you can do something about it :)

:D

Exactly!

I took it hard when I was "dumped" in 98, even though it was by someone I really wasn't that interested in being with long term. Half a year later I found my fiancee' and have been with her 7 years (happily).

Everything happens for a reason, don't let it get you down for more than a few weeks then bounce back! :)

[princec]

Yay! Celebrate!
I know how you feel. Chin up. Somebody better will come along.

Cas :)

[jankoM]

Cas are you trying to say "some body better" by any chance ? ;) ok, sorry

[Anthony Flack]

No kids? Then no problem.

[princec]

At least she's not trying to take all your money off you, and you're not losing your dogs, and she hasn't written off your brand new truck, or forced you to sell your bike to pay the rent in the shitty hovel you've had to move into having lost your house to her :)

So look on the bright side!

Cas :)

[Mike]

At least she's not trying to take all your money off you, and you're not losing your dogs, and she hasn't written off your brand new truck, or forced you to sell your bike to pay the rent in the shitty hovel you've had to move into having lost your house to her :)

Wow !.. :eek:

It's, of course, none of my business, but it sure makes me wonder what you did to her
that made her so extremely harsh after living for twelve years with you.

Have you been ignoring her for the last ten years ? :confused:

And have you really never noticed how unhappy she must have been ? :confused:

Sorry. Again, it's really none of my business, but since you brought it up yourself, I can't resist to ask ...

[aaron]

It's, of course, none of my business, but it sure makes me wonder what you did to her that made her so extremely harsh after living for twelve years with you.

Wow.... why assume that it was anything that he did? People regularly turn into pricks when it comes to splitting up. Maybe she is just a c*nt? :confused:

[papillon]

Divorces generally suck, even nice people go insane and stab each other a lot. Clearly the only solution is to never get married. Oops. :)

But really, how many of us could manage a tidy split of belongings and assets with no fighting? Pets, children, and houses are hard to cut down the middle.

[princec]

Have you been ignoring her for the last ten years ? :confused:

And have you really never noticed how unhappy she must have been ? :confused:

Sorry. Again, it's really none of my business, but since you brought it up yourself, I can't resist to ask ...
Well, not to derail joe's thread of woe, but we were really happy together mostly, just the usual tiffs and arguments but nowhere near as bad as most people's relationships seem to be. Then one day she came home and told me she'd fallen in love with a 21yr old boy and that was that, out of the blue. I left straight away, couldn't cope with being at home. And then she got nastier and nastier and nastier, and I've no idea why. Every time I see her (not too often fortunately) she says something even nastier and more cutting to me and I don't know why (eg. last time: "Our honeymoon in Bali was SHIT because you were there with back pain and ruined it for me" and "Imagine how I felt having to get naked in front of someone else" etc etc).

So just relax Joe and I hope you have an easier time of the break up than I'm having :) That's the bright side of life - there's always something worse that could be happening. Count your blessings. My dad did that for me over MSN:

Jem Prince:
It's time to count your blessings
Jem Prince:
You're still young (ish)
Jem Prince:
You're not fat (yet)
Jem Prince:
You still have hair (mostly)

I don't know where I'd be without him, haha.

Cas :)

[joe]

Thank you all!

Altough I know that you are all right it still feels so bad at the moment. But I also know that I'll feel better each day. And someday I will look back and think that it was a good thing at all, because... (well, we'll see what the future brings)...

Thank you all again. It's so good to be a part of this community. Your words always makes me feel better!

[KNau]

I think it was Paul Stanley who said "You'll never get anywhere until you lose your women." The worst thing a young man can do is anchor his life down, especially if he dreams of achieving anything above mediocrity.

[jjcorreia]

Hang in there man, it will get better. You'll find love again.

[electronicStar]

Don't worry you'll find another person better suited to you.
The best idea is to not let yourself become to attached and to not make commitments until you are sure you and your girlfriend share compatible characters and common interests, and always have things prepared, legaly and all, for the case she would want to break off with you (Yeah, I know...I don't sound very romantic, do I?:o).
It takes some time to find someone who responds to your needs but it's worth the wait.

[jjcorreia]

Wow !.. :eek:

It's, of course, none of my business, but it sure makes me wonder what you did to her that made her so extremely harsh after living for twelve years with you.

Have you been ignoring her for the last ten years ? :confused:

And have you really never noticed how unhappy she must have been ? :confused:

Sorry. Again, it's really none of my business, but since you brought it up yourself, I can't resist to ask ...

Breakups are like that dude. Dont just assume he did anything. Women can be insane sometimes (like any other human being). You can give them the world but they might still not be happy cause they want something else.

[Pyabo]

Then one day she came home and told me she'd fallen in love with a 21yr old boy and that was that, out of the blue. I left straight away, couldn't cope with being at home.

She's probably mad that you didn't fight for her... ? If there's one thing I've learned about women in my 32 years... it's not to post generalities about them in a forum with female readers.

Glad to see you've still got your sense of humor, Cas.

[Diragor]

But really, how many of us could manage a tidy split of belongings and assets with no fighting? Pets, children, and houses are hard to cut down the middle.

I've seen houses effectively cut down the middle (equity split, even without selling the house) but yeah, pets and especially children are tough, doubly so if the divorced parents end up living nowhere near each other. Your kids get taken away or you have to be a single parent, and you have to deal with your ex for many years for child support and visitation/shared custody. Everything else goes away (the pain of being dumped and/or cheated on, the legal hassle of divorce) but that situation keeps on sucking for a long, long time.

So I'm with Anthony - no kids, no problem. You're usually better off in the end.

[Mark Currie]

Cut all contact. Stay busy. Time will heal you.

[amaranth]

Hey, it could be worse. I broke up with my ex (dated three years) one year ago, and I just found out that he got married last weekend to a girl he's only known for four months!

So to make this twisted story make sense... Maybe you'll get lucky and meet a really great girl in a couple of months. You know, someone that you like so much that you want to drop the question. That's what happened to my Ex. He was pretty upset when I broke it off, but today he's finally found that "other match" that he was really looking for. Who knows, it's possible that your Ex has done what had to be done to ensure that you do find happiness with someone in the future.

Good luck! :D

[Sirrus]

Hey, it could be worse. I broke up with my ex (dated three years) one year ago, and I just found out that he got married last weekend to a girl he's only known for four months!

So to make this twisted story make sense... Maybe you'll get lucky and meet a really great girl in a couple of months. You know, someone that you like so much that you want to drop the question. That's what happened to my Ex. He was pretty upset when I broke it off, but today he's finally found that "other match" that he was really looking for. Who knows, it's possible that your Ex has done what had to be done to ensure that you do find happiness with someone in the future.

Good luck! :D

While we are delving into personal lives, from a female perspective - what were the reasons you broke it off? I'm assuming you felt happy for him to know he found someone?

:)

[arcadetown]

Not to sound harsh but bah it's all a bunch of bull crap. Never let it get you down! I've had horrible relationship things happen in my past. Back then I walked the world a broken soul for far too long over it. One day I finally woke up, cleared the bs haze, realised I've got great things going, and bam my life turned around. It all comes from within. Others are attracted to those with inner strength. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

[amaranth]

While we are delving into personal lives, from a female perspective - what were the reasons you broke it off? I'm assuming you felt happy for him to know he found someone?

:)

Yes, I'm really happy for him. I was worried that he wasn't going to be able to find someone where he lives, but things worked out. Why did we break it off? There was nothing wrong with the relationship. We never fought or anything. In fact, it was too quiet. It put me to sleep!

[Dan MacDonald]

I work with this crazy russian woman (maybe normal by russian standards) she writes more code in a day then anyone I have ever seen, and always tells russian jokes really loudly around the office.

Anyway, she left her husband after their kid son was about 18 or so. Said she never really loved her husband, she just married him because she was sorry for him because he couldn't take care of himself very well. But, before she left him she hooked him up with one of her girlfriends so he would have someone to take care of him.

To this day her girlfriend calls her asking for advice about how to live with him, take care of him etc... proving conclusively that women think very differently about relationships then men do. ;)

[soniCron]

To this day her girlfriend calls her asking for advice about how to live with him, take care of him etc... proving conclusively that women think very differently about relationships then men do. ;) Crazy Russian women, anyway. ;)

[Escapee]

I have found a great solution (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGPQmfqWUF8) to the perenial problem that continuously plague the male & female relationship , especially the type of relationship that Princec encountered . ( this is intended to be funny , no offense , it can happen on either way (sex) :D )


Joe , Sorry to hear that, you will recover very soon (since you dont have kids yet) .

[DangerCode]

Last week my girl friend left me. We shared our life 4 years together. Now its over. It hurts so much, but I already begin to feel a little bit better.

Well, I've been there. (who hasn't?)

Good luck and keep your head up. Chances are you'll look back on it someday and laugh at the thought of being so concerned about it.

[robleong]

Sorry to hear about your break-up, Joe, but like everyone is saying here, there are advantages too, and lots of it. For one, it might be a good time now to indulge in your programming (and not feel guilty about it) to get her off your mind! JK - it'll get easier with time.

[Sean Doherty]

Not to sound harsh but bah it's all a bunch of bull crap. Never let it get you down! I've had horrible relationship things happen in my past. Back then I walked the world a broken soul for far too long over it. One day I finally woke up, cleared the bs haze, realised I've got great things going, and bam my life turned around. It all comes from within. Others are attracted to those with inner strength. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

So there's a chance he will die from this? :)

[Jack Norton]

You should be happy at least from professional point of view. Being single is the best situation to be indie. No doubts about that.

[JoKa]

I disagree, but also have to admit you may be right in many cases ;)

[Anthony Flack]

I absolutely concur that being single is the best way to achieve anything, and I say that with the benefit of hindsight. People who achieve things are obsessive and hard to live with, and being in a relationship you will be pressured into changing all the things that made you an achiever in the first place. But anyway.

Cas, don't let that bitch take your house. Stand up for yourself, man. That's your damn house. You should have kicked her out instead of leaving, but at the very least demand half. Seriously. And don't take any crap, either. Blaming you for everything is just a way to help justify the asset-stripping. Sort it out, man.

[Bad Sector]

Well, if your ex was a talented gfx artist or musician, then you're not that better :-P.

[princec]

When there's always biscuits in the barrel... where's the fun in biscuits...

Cas :)

[Jack Norton]

Well, if your ex was a talented gfx artist or musician, then you're not that better :-P.

You can surely get better professional result working with someone that you don't know intimately. If he/she doesn't deliver something in time or make crap work, you can tell him/her to forget about the money.

Try to tell that to your partner...

[Bad Sector]

Well, it worked for Ken & Roberta Williams, didn't it? :-)

[Jack Norton]

Yes, what year it was? there were already the C64?

[Jack Norton]

I can say that I completely agree on arcadetown on this one. All those sentimental things are total BS. Women also tend to become the worst being on earth when they decide that they don't love you anymore.
Seriously I saw myself with my eyes some very crap situations, men that were completely broken after divorce.
I guess that nowadays as a man, you must be a total fool to marry someone without a pre-marriage agreement.
When I was still living with my parents I made 5 games in a year - after I went living with my gf I made 1. Does this say something?
Thinking better joe, I think you should go out and celebrate! :D

[Bad Sector]

Well i was mostly joking, but Williamses worked well together anyway. If you need a more recent example, see John and Anna Carmack for the mobile games DoomRPG and Orcs and Elves (http://www.orcsandelves.com/) (bytheway, this is the BEST Web Design i ever saw for a game!).


And we have many cases were brothers are working together. You can't say "bring me good stuff or get lost" to your brother, can you?

[Jack Norton]

Many cases means more than 60% of cases? if 2 person out of 100 do that means is possible, not "normal"...

[papillon]

It depends on what your partner's input is. I wouldn't like to rely too much on anyone I'm not paying for things like art&music, the deadlines will just cause stress. But having a *design* partner, someone you can bounce ideas off and get feedback from while you're in development and not ready for proper beta-testing, is very useful.


When I was still living with my parents I made 5 games in a year - after I went living with my gf I made 1. Does this say something?

Possibly that you were too busy being *happy* to get anything done... :)

And, of course, the home/work separation can get pretty complicated for self-directed indie types, who may be working all hours of the day and get pretty cranky about being interrupted by spouses...

Clearly one should have separate houses and keep the romance at a safe distance to be indulged in every now and then when it won't get in the way of the work! :)

[Jack Norton]

Possibly that you were too busy being *happy* to get anything done... :)

no, unfortunately it wasn't the case :rolleyes:


Clearly one should have separate houses and keep the romance at a safe distance to be indulged in every now and then when it won't get in the way of the work! :)
Yeah I'm really sure that this would be the ideal solution!

[Davaris]

I've got two words for you guys. Mail Order. ;)

[amaranth]

Yep, I've had the same issues too. When I'm single, I get sooooo much done. When I'm dating someone, it takes away lots of my time.

[Fost]

Yep, I've had the same issues too. When I'm single, I get sooooo much done. When I'm dating someone, it takes away lots of my time.

So, what we are saying is: as indies, we really just want someone who will massage our shoulders when we are tired, and otherwise shut up and stop being an emotional leech? ;)

I pity our partners, I really do :)

[arcadetown]

Funny being married has been the opposite in that have accomplished far more career wise than ever did before. Previously I was happy to just f--- around, hang out at places, make decent money, blow it all, and get nothing done.

It helps to build a relationship on listening and mutual respect for each other's needs. Too often people build their relationships only on what they want, or trick themselves or their significant other into believing they or their other are something different than who they really are. I say revvel in who you are and you'll attract someone who fits your lifestyle. We kicked the tires for years so she knew what she was buying into here, a freakin energizer bunny nerd with a video games site :cool:

[oldschool]

I speak coming from the mean and nasty male side.


Some people confusing being genuinely loved with the other persons weakness. They have to sort that out and when they figure it out they will wish to fix things but it will be too late. I know because I haven't even got the chance to try to fix things! I can't tell you why I was so cruel. But I am sorry now.

PS. At 21 all I had was an over inflated ego brought on by Football-itis . I had nothing to offer a 30+ women. So she actually lost!

Football_itis is a rare disease brought on by old men with nothing better to do at night than watch young boys in tight pants pummel each other. (and they passed a gay marrage ban here?)

[tentons]

People who achieve things are obsessive and hard to live with, and being in a relationship you will be pressured into changing all the things that made you an achiever in the first place.
I strongly disagree. I'm obsessive about work, but not hard to live with. :)

More importantly, though, if you change who you are to be with someone, you are with the wrong person! I am married to a woman that has supported my indie business 100% even before I was making money at it, even when she wasn't sure I could make money at all doing this. She never behaved in a way to suggest/pressure me to change anything about myself. Now we're working together to get her wall finishes and textile art business started so that we can both work from home and be together more.

Good luck, Joe and Cas! Your "Mrs. Right" is out there, somewhere.

[electronicStar]

Yeah unlike what most people said, being married/in a relationship can also help you by boosting your confidence and/or your sense of responsibilities and make you reorder your priorities.
If you are obliged to make a work schedule to accomodate your Gf/Bf instead of spending the whole day idling in underwear and starting coding at 1 AM, this might not be such a bad thing. :)

I've got two words for you guys. Mail Order. ;)
I've got three words for you : Crazy Russian Women ;)

[Coyote]

I'm gonna side with Brian on this one. You guys are making me feel VERY lucky.

My wife has actually been pushing me a little bit to get the latest game done. She's helping me succeed, and has been extremely supportive of the whole indie games thing. And going back to doing games as a full-time job. Actually, she was the one who worried the most about the day job interfering with my motivation on the indie-games side job.

We recently celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary, and I can't tell you HOW weird that sounds. But I can't imagine doing it without her.

Some of it may be person. Some of it may be the difference between dating and being married (though we still go out on a date every week...) And yeah, having a wife, two kids, and a mortgage makes it pretty difficult to make the jump to full-time indie. Though I think I have the next best thing going on right now.

[First_Citizen]

Yeah unlike what most people said, being married/in a relationship can also help you by boosting your confidence and/or your sense of responsibilities and make you reorder your priorities.

Even better for an indie developer is married AND in a relationship. :eek:

If I am not home my (crazy russian) wife thinks I am out with my GF, my GF thinks I am at home and I am actually sitting in a nice quiet booth at a favorite restaurant (or a park during good weather) for a couple of hours of focused heads-down coding! :D

[Anthony Flack]

Perhaps some of you people got very lucky. Personally I would be inclined not to risk losing it again, if I do get back to a free situation.

[Davaris]

So, what we are saying is: as indies, we really just want someone who will massage our shoulders when we are tired, and otherwise shut up and stop being an emotional leech?

You got it in one. ;)

More importantly, though, if you change who you are to be with someone, you are with the wrong person! I am married to a woman that has supported my indie business 100% even before I was making money at it, even when she wasn't sure I could make money at all doing this. She never behaved in a way to suggest/pressure me to change anything about myself. Now we're working together to get her wall finishes and textile art business started so that we can both work from home and be together more.


You're a very lucky man. "Givers" (as opposed to "takers") are an extremely rare breed. Cherish that one.

[Frozen In Ice]

You got it in one. ;)



You're a very lucky man. "Givers" (as opposed to "takers") are an extremely rare breed. Cherish that one.

Agreed. After three, I never found the "jewel". However, at my age, I don't intend to look anymore. Treasure it indeed Coyote!! ;)

[jjcorreia]

Thank you all!

Altough I know that you are all right it still feels so bad at the moment. But I also know that I'll feel better each day. And someday I will look back and think that it was a good thing at all, because... (well, we'll see what the future brings)...

Thank you all again. It's so good to be a part of this community. Your words always makes me feel better!

Thats good though, it means you have feelings and care about being in a relationship. Hurting is normal, but it will get better. Take the positive things from the relationship and apply them to the next one and you should do fine.

[Artinum]

Take heart - it could be a lot worse. You could be Paul McCartney - now THERE'S a rough divorce.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2-2417169.html

[Chris Evans]

I'll have to side with Arcadetown, Coyote, and a few others. Being married doesn't mean the death or deterioration of your Indie business. I guess it depends who you're married to. :)

My wife was a little hesitant at first because I left a cozy job, but ever since she's been 100% supportive of my Indie business. Even through my failures when I was barely bringing in any money, she was supportive. It really helped my confidence to keep going whereas friends and relatives would have told me to go back and get a "real" job long ago.

My 4 year-old son is my number one fan. He loves just playing and watching my games. He even likes to watch while I'm just debugging and testing the same level over and over again. He gets excited everytime he sees a new feature added. And he says "Uh Oh... Dada fix it?" when he sees a character walk through a wall or some other bug.

So even though I'm primarily doing most of the work, it feels like a family business because of everyone's support and interest. Yes on certain days I don't get much done if the kids and/or wife are demanding a lot of my time but I rather have them than be in complete solitude. Also, I try to use my time efficiently and I get on average just about 6 hours of sleep a night. Out of 18 hour days, I usually can get a minimum of 3-4 hours of work done (typically at night). So even on somewhat unproductive days I make slow steady progress.

I think it helps to find someone who believes in you and wants to be with you even if you're dirt poor. :) Money and financial squabbles are often the doom of a lot of marriages at least in America. If your spouse is more concerned about being able to show off your car, house, or job title then she's going to get agitated when she sees you "wasting" your time making games especially if they don't sell well initially.

It's important that your spouse/girlfriend have the entrepreneurial spirit or at the very least understand it. If not, then it's probably true that you'll make more progress being on your own.

[Fry Crayola]

And he says "Uh Oh... Dada fix it?" when he sees a character walk through a wall or some other bug.

Sod sales and all that guff. That's surely got to be the best thing ever.

[Escapee]

- behind every successful man is a woman "nagging" him with love and passion, or vice versa to reflect our equal right society .

[ManuelMarino]

Well, it's hard but all depends on the kind of relationship you had.

As example, with my previous girlfriends, breaking up has been easy, because the relationship was not so close, as the actual girlfriend.

I can say I know what love is thanks to her.

And I'm with her since 2 years while with the old ones 3 years.

By the way, the best thing to do is meeting new girls... as soon as possible.

[joe]

I'm currently hanging on a lot with my friends that really helped/helps me. Dating new girls is also a good idea.