funniest spam

[cliffski]

i just got some hilarious crap spam. Its someone going on about my corporate image, trying to sell me a logo yada yada yada.
whats the subject?

Corporate indetity design

Would you buy an image makeover from someone who can't spell identity?
I wonder how many billion people got that spelling mistake.
what sad sad people.

[Cuculain]

Lol, that's really funny.

[kerchen]

My recent favorite spam was the one advertising a spam blocker. I'm almost tempted to write to them asking if their product works on their product's advertising.

[BantamCityGames]

i just got some hilarious crap spam. Its someone going on about my corporate image, trying to sell me a logo yada yada yada.
whats the subject?

Corporate indetity design

Would you buy an image makeover from someone who can't spell identity?
I wonder how many billion people got that spelling mistake.
what sad sad people.


I know what you mean. I get the same email at least twice a week.

[Indiepath]

Checking my spam box:


Put an end to unwanted spam, popups and other internet security hazards PERMANENTLY
more info here... (link)

Pretty similar to kerchen's spam.



Thank you for your interest in our mortgage services, which we received yesterday. We are glad to confirm that you can get a low fixed rate.

We Ask That You Please take a moment to fill out our Quick Online Application

We look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,
Jamel Olsen
Mortgage Broker

Yesterday... interesting :)



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(indiepath notification: this text down here was written using 1 px sized font....)

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USA Loanworks

100 1st St, Ste #100-114 San Francisco, CA 94105

To not receive future information please go here.

[Anthony Flack]

My favourite was a spam from a service that promised it could advertise my product to millions of people - guaranteed to be can-spam compliant...!

[Ratboy]

I'm actually blessed with good spam control - I barely see any of it, unless I dive into my yahoo account.

Semi-on topic: http://spamusement.com/

[Diragor]

I don't bother to look at the text of spam anymore, but when I glanced at my Junk folder this morning I saw an amusing sender: Jack Hugeman. I'm sure you can guess the topic of that one. :)

[Nemesis]

I get between 30-40 mails daily claiming to help enlarge my penis, breasts and lips (they assume I'm a hermaphordite?), recoup my debts, spy on my cheating wive (to be?), tips on the most promising stocks, dirt-cheap software... you name it.. I get it! :)

Must have been all those fora I in which I used to subscribe!

[Indiepath]

I wonder who these people are who post what Nemesis just said... and I certainly wonder much more who on earth actually buys something? There's gotta be reason for spammers to spam - and that reason can't universally be "just to bug others", they are going to sell their "services" and they try to spam it through us.

Are there any research made about how SPAM affects people? (besides that now all of us are scared to give our email addresses *anywhere* in public...) How many people actually buy something because of spam?

Notice: spamming is not free, the lists are rented so spammers need to pay money to get their spam mail to us. But do they really get any return for that money?

[Quest Engine]

Who would by anything from these companies who can't spell? It was just a few years ago when no one would use their credit card on the internet, and now we're expected to give that same credit card # to "companies" selling v!-a-G-ra, and p-r'o_z:a'k.

How can you read that email and think that its from a reputable company? I guess some folks want their drugs so bad they'll buy it however they have to. That's sad. And another reason to hate the spammers: They're preying on the weak, stupid, ignorant and (likely) addicted. This is no different than the guy pushing crack on the street corner.

I don't have much spam though because I just don't monitor the addresses info@ webmaster@ admin@ and tech@ questengine.com. That's were most of its addressed to. I monitor just a few addresses, and everything else goes straight to the trash. I never see it.

Ugh.

[Diodor Bitan]

Who would by anything from these companies who can't spell?

Noone does. That's why they are reduced to using such desperate strategies.

[GBGames]

Actually, people do. If only 1 person buys something out of 10,000, they still make it worthwhile. The misspellings are to avoid spam blockers. If you are using something like Outlook where you can read the body of text by just clicking on the next email, users don't always look at the subject.

In fact, there was an article somewhere I can't currently remember about this guy who actually likes to receive spam. He was disappointed that he only received 17 messages they day they interviewed him. He says he loves finding good deals through the unsolicited messages in his inbox. People like him make Spam worthwhile to spammers.

[EpicBoy]

A single sale makes it worthwhile for the spammers. It costs nothing to send out these emails. Free. So what do they stand to lose if nobody buys? Nothing.

[simonh]

Spam usually has a conversion rate of 0.00001% or similar, but of course x 1 million that brings in a few bucks.

[Diodor Bitan]

Actually, people do.

Given how much I had to work to get one $15 sale in one thousand _downloads_, I'd be very surprised if spam earns more than pennies.


So what do they stand to lose if nobody buys? Nothing.

Which is exactly how much these spamming losers are worth.

[EpicBoy]

Which is exactly how much these spamming losers are worth.
I'm sure they'll cry themselves to sleep tonight on their money stuffed matresses and gold trimmed pillows.

When costs = 0, then your profit margin is 100%.

[Diodor Bitan]

I'm sure they'll cry themselves to sleep tonight on their money stuffed matresses and gold trimmed pillows.

With a 1 in a million conversion rate?


When costs = 0, then your profit margin is 100%.

When costs = 0, that's how much money you have or you'd actually invest into something.

[Bluecat]

With a 1 in a million conversion rate?



When costs = 0, that's how much money you have or you'd actually invest into something.


I've believed for a while now that it is not the spammers that are the problem, but the companies that use them. Although a lot of the crap spam, selling pills, or 'small' low cost stuff comes from spammers selling their own product like the ebay merchants. All of the 'big' stuff like mortgage refinancing, and debt management... along with a lot of other products, comes from companies who pay the spammers to send these obnoxious emails. My understanding is that this is where the big time spammers make most of their money. So maybe this where the antispam movement needs to focus to dry up the spammers core business.

A lot of these companies are starting to realise that they are losing their reputations for a very small increase in business, but the spammers keep on selling them the line that sending spam is good for them. Maybe these business need to be reminded that it's not that good for them. Emailing or phoning these businesses and politely telling them that you will never use their product or service might scare them straight if enough people do it. Maybe then, they will stop using spammers.

[EpicBoy]

When costs = 0, that's how much money you have or you'd actually invest into something.
I'm sure they do invest in other methods. However, spam is free. Sending out 12,000,000 emails is free ... if it results in a single sale, it was worth it. From a business perspective, why NOT do it?

[Sunshine]

mail daily claiming to help enlarge my penis

Uhh....could you forward that email over to me? ;)

[Nemesis]

Macho attitude dictates that you should never imply that you're not so well endowed! ;)

[Bluecat]

Some things I don't need enlarged. I don't tend to respond to those breast enlargements spams! :D

[Lerc]

I received this one.

http://www.screamingduck.com/Cruft/OddSpam.jpg

and wondered to myself what the size is of the intersection of the sets "people who respond to spam" and "people who look at this and go 'I want one!'".

[Diodor Bitan]

I have just received the funniest spam, given the context: an offer to buy a 67MB list of 2.7million UK-based email addresses for $270 :D

[Indiepath]

Spamming is not free.

It's only free when you have compiled the list and start spamming. But the hierarchy itself goes so that on top there sits a spam list gatherers. And then there are spammers who buy these lists from the gatherers. Spammers might send 1 M emails but they have to pay to the spam list owners. Same way as they sell credit card numbers in the net. Somebody collects, somebody uses.

Summa summarum: send emails costs, not much - but they do.

For example (NOTICE - I'M NOT SAYING THIS COMPANY IS SPAMMER - THIS WAS THE FIRST COMPANY I FOUND USING GOOGLE) http://www.bulk-email-lists.com/ rents 200+M emails for $499.

[cliffski]

I read a very funny idea somewhere. This guy was saying that without these bulk email programs spammers would be b0rked, so he suggested every day googling "bulk mail spam program" or simialr and clicking the top 10 google adwords. As we all know, every click costs that company money...
Its dodgy because there IS a legitimate need for bulk email programs. I've used groupmail for my mail list.
But things are so bad with spam now I dont bother sending newsletters. I would only get put on a spamlist somehow (even though its explicitly opt-in). and nobody would read them.
We seriously need a system where the sending PC has to do some complex problem solving for each mail before the email server accepts a mail for transit. This was proposed a while ago with no effect. This would mean you would need to own some huge mainframe to send more than 1000 emails an hour, and thats a winner in my book ;)
Death to spammers.

[cliffski]

in fact a quick google found this:

http://www.e-mailblasters.com/

75 million targeted emails? errr. how does that work?
if this is a legitmiate business product im a banana.
good old google ad words. clickety clickety click.

[oNyx]

Who buys stuff through spam? Accordingly to a survey from last year... 7% of the us citizens (with internet) bought at least once something in their life from spammers. *gasp* :eek:

I'm wondering... shouldn't be buying stuff from spammers be illegal? I mean it's supporting their illegal activities with money.

---

Having the sender calculate something sounds good - at first. I just remembered those database driven password attacks. You have a huge database (several gb) with hash values... and you can just ask the db for a password which would generate the provided hash value. Pang! Broken in less than 20 milliseconds.

The whole smtp stuff needs to be buried.