Work @ Home = Degrading People Skills?

[Chaster]

You know, I just have to get this off my chest...

I've been working at home now for about 2 years. In that time, I've noticed a disturbing trend: my people/social skills are atrophying. This was illustrated all too glaringly this morning when I said some (in hindsight) off-color comments while talking to another parent at my daughter's daycare facility. :o

This is very upsetting to me (and very embarrassing too). I am not a "shut-in" by any means - I attend church activities regularly and get together with friends every few days. And previously, I would have described myself as quite gregarious. Yet, I find myself to be more and more "challenged" in social situations because I feel like my capability to carry on basic social "chatting" has become a shadow of its former self... :(

Anyone else out there experience this?...

[Hamumu]

Do you ever leave a room and say "BRB!"?

[Ricardo C]

I've been a freelancer for ages, but just took a part time teaching gig to help fund my indie projects. The money's decent, and I only work four mornings a week teaching basic computing to grade schoolers. It's a dream job, really. But yes, I HAVE noticed how socially awkward I've become by spending so much time working on my own, and having social interaction with a limited number of people (fianceé, immediate family, close relatives, for the most part.) One thing I noticed right away is how shy I seemed on my first day, and how meek my voice sounded. I've been getting over it, but I definitely think working from home has rusted my people skills a bit.

[mahlzeit]

Maybe it's not working at home that reduces people skills, but participating in online forums, immediate messaging, and IRC channels. In other words, by hanging out with a more-than-average share of idiots. Present company excepted, of course. :)

[Raptisoft]

I prefer to think of it as "becoming a lovable curmudgeon."

[PoV]

I prefer to think of it as "becoming a lovable curmudgeon."
People don't talk like that. :D

[Indiepath.T]

Phew, and I thought it was just me who was loosing it... and I've only been doing this for 13 weeks.

[Cartman]

I have a friend who was a Tech Writer for MS. She told me once after she had been at home with her kids for about a year that she felt like she had lost that social interaction that adults experience. She found herself using child like phrases more and more and missed the interaction she had from a day to day office job.

[20thCenturyBoy]

I have two young kids. I go to work for peace, quiet and social interaction. The actual work is an annoying side effect.

[DangerCode]

May I suggest joining a group like Toastmasters that forces you to work on your communication skills?

I've been a membere for nearly a year now and I think it's great.

[exepotes]

at least some of you had social skills to lose... i've always been like that... damn me!

[svero]

Getting along with people is over-rated. The best thing that ever happened to me was losing my people-skills. The hell with the lot of you!

- S

[exepotes]

Getting along with people is over-rated. The best thing that ever happened to me was losing my people-skills. The hell with the lot of you!

- S

yes, i tend to agree with you, but when i go to a shop and the salesmen there are afraid of me, or my talking, or my looking... and i end buying nothing...
may be i'm the unabomber! no, wait, i wouldn't be using a computer...

[Chaster]

May I suggest joining a group like Toastmasters that forces you to work on your communication skills?

I've been a membere for nearly a year now and I think it's great.

I've thought of that in the past, however, I just can't bring myself to sacrifice the time/effort necessary... Also, I am not really concerned about "formal presentation communication skills", more "interpersonal informal skills".. It seems that Toastmasters mainly focuses on one's ability to overcome stage fright (I don't have that problem).. Of course, I could be wrong since I've never been to Toastmasters....

[Reactor]

If you're a church guy Chaster, you can rejoice in not being able to communicate well, since Moses was a mumbler, and Paul wasn't eloquent in speech either ;)

[Abscissa]

at least some of you had social skills to lose... i've always been like that... damn me!
Me too ;)

[DangerCode]

I've thought of that in the past, however, I just can't bring myself to sacrifice the time/effort necessary... Also, I am not really concerned about "formal presentation communication skills", more "interpersonal informal skills".. It seems that Toastmasters mainly focuses on one's ability to overcome stage fright (I don't have that problem).. Of course, I could be wrong since I've never been to Toastmasters....

You can check out a local club as a guest for free for as long as you like. I actually did originally attend TM to overcome my fear of public speaking but I was very surprised to learn much more than that.

It's a great way to improve your normal, day-to-day communications and it's good networking too (you'd be surprised how someone knows someone that knows someone). Of course, every club is different so YMMV.

[Chaster]

I think people misunderstood me - I don't have a problem communicating with people. I have, of late, found myself unable to carry on social chit-chat because I can't think of anything interesting to talk about with people outside of the industry & my family.

So in a way, what I'm saying is "all work (at home) and no play has made Chaster a dull boy"...

To add upon my lack of interesting thoughts to share with people I am talking with, I have also developed a certain ummm, shall we say "lack of forethought" (i.e. I've made some "off color" jokes... Previously, before I started working at home, I would have caught myself before saying things which I later regret..)

Basically, what I'm saying is - I don't have a problem communicating, I have developed a lack of discretion. (I think I'm probably overreacting to the problem a bit though...)

My wife assures me that this is nothing new and has always been the case... :rolleyes:

In any case, I'm taking steps to improve the situation..

Chaster

[Mike Wiering]

It's probably a good idea to get into more groups/clubs where you meet lots of people regularly.

Learn to play an instrument (if you don't already) and join an orchestra! I play the cello myself and wouldn't like to think of what my life would be like if I didn't. At the moment, I play in four orchestras. That means having a rehearsal almost every evening, lots of concerts, rehearsal weekends and sometimes even tours to other country. These are amature orchestras, so there are a lot more activities than just playing music and you get to meet lots of people.

[Jonas]

I'll second DangerCode, on the Toastmasters Angle. It's actully probably one of the reason I go, is just to be forced to talk to folks.

Heres the site to find one near you: www.toastmasters.org

I basicly have the same problem in that I was finding it somewhat difficult to talk to "normal folks" about stuff I find interesting. I didn't even really have a good reason to be a TM, it's not like I have to address groups of folks in person much. But yet, something just pulling me back until I joined up.

I don't know what other toastmasters clubs are like, but ours is full of really nice folks from all walks of life. I think to only look as TM as a Speech club is kinda missing the true point in that it's about developing people skills.

One thing I find fun being the resident Computer Guru of the group, is actully briing topics I find interesting to them in a "normal folk" fashion. And alot of the time it's small talk.

I dunno, I think it's worth hanging out for 2 or 3 times. If you don't like it , you lost a maximum of 1 hr a week. You never know, you might get that hr back 10 fold.

Anyway, I'd say that it's helped me interact with the muggles.

[C.S.Brewer]

ahh this is familiar.

I was working from home for the last 2 years I was at Haptek. I could go days at a time without talking to anyone but my wife... I finally decided it was worth the money to get my coffee out a few times a day (yes a few it too many!) and chat with people at the coffee shop.

now I'm working at home again (since last september) and I haven't felt the same problems yet. I make it a point anytime a friend invites me to do something to just go and do it even if I don't think I have the time, just because I know that the social interaction is good for my sanity. I've also been doing martial arts classes this time so thats at least a few hours a couple days a week that I talk to a whole bunch of different people...and punch them... ok well I dont' punch them but they punch me...sometimes...but that's what it's all about...I'm sleepy

see completely sane and chatty.

[JesseCF]

Social skills degrade when not used. When I work at home for too long the range of topics I feel inclined to use during normal conversation becomes limited, which makes it harder to have a conversation with new people. Both getting out and engaging in more conversations with strangers at social venues (whatever those may be) and reading the news both helps me with this, personally.

Moving towards a more balanced work/play life will balance this tremendously, as it has for me.


-Jesse

[TimS]

How bout them Iraq elections? Historic, no?

Sorry... I had to laugh at this resurrection of a thread... might be a new record.

:)

[vjvj]

How bout them Iraq elections? Historic, no?

This got a laugh out of me :)

[Applewood]

I know exactly where you're coming from Chaster. It happened to me and was one of the many reasons I gave up working from home.

Not going to an office each morning, even if you own it, seems like such a draw to many so I get no audience, but I've been saying for a long time that it shouldn't be a goal. You can end up with a much worse life if you're not careful.

We're social animals, pure and simple.

[Jamie W]

Not going to an office each morning, even if you own it, seems like such a draw to many so I get no audience, but I've been saying for a long time that it shouldn't be a goal. You can end up with a much worse life if you're not careful.

Not at all Paul, going to an office every morning, sounds like a very good move! If only for the mental mind-set shift from 'at home' to 'at work', not to mention the fact that you're around other people all working on the same stuff!

[cliffski]

I enjoy working from home. I can work in any clothes I want, when I want, and take a break when I feel like it. If it's sunny, I might go out for the day. If I stay up late like last night, I can wake up at 10Am.
If there's a decent movie on in the afternoon, I can watch it, and make up the hours later.
If something needs to be delivered, or we need work done on the house, I'm always here. I go shopping when the queues are shortest, and rush-hour is something I read about in the newspapers.
It's awesome.
It's also much better people-wise since my better half quit her job and is at home too. I do recommend getting out at least once or twice a week to talk to other people.

On the wider topic of social interaction in general, I do find that increasingly, I find many people boring and pointless. People always want to chat about what's on TV, or moan about the minor points of their job, or something equally trivial. It saddens me to think that if I asked most people "What are you trying to do with your life?" that I'd just get a dumb stare rather than a serious conversation.

Of course, this line of thought suited the old me that did serious political strategy simulations better than the new me that makes spaceships explode.

[SteveZ]

Not a big fan of working by myself, that was a big motivation of getting an office. I didn't particularly feel social interaction has suffered too much the 2 years of working solo, that can be balanced out with meetup groups and making efforts to go out to social events or dinners on nights and weekend.

However, biggest letdown working solo was having too much free time. Although I enjoyed waking up without an alarm clock, playing GOW2 at 3pm in the afternoon, or taking relaxing lunches, but the result was I ended up working from morning until nightime most of the days, sometimes weekends as well. The work wasn't entirely efficient as well. Office gave me the needed structure.

-Steve Z.

[Emmanuel]

I've been working from home since 2005 and the creation of funpause, and I can't remember why I ever went to the office. It's a bit unsettling for other people, at least in Western Europe (my neighbors thought I was unemployed at first, heh) but the quality of life is amazing. I'm enjoying helping my three kids grow, which in itself is invaluable. Like Cliff I can go shopping during the slow hours and save up on both frustration and work time. The very few times that I have to go into town at 8 AM I wonder how one can do it every day.

Social interaction is important. If you feel you're not getting enough of it, become a volunteer at a charity that resonates with you (enough to contribute but in a way that doesn't interfere with your work productivity), so you can both be useful and get some human time away from the computer and put life in perspective. Between that, and a weekly or biweekly outing with the neighbors, friends, family, occasional visits with my partner in game development crime Jerome, and recurrent trips to the mothership now, that gives me plenty of interacting.

Best regards,
Emmanuel

[Jack Norton]

Working from home rulez. No boss, no hours. Of course the downside is that you HAVE to be self-disciplined/motivated. For me was never a problem since I'm very passionate about the "job" of being an indie.
I really can't imagine myself ever going to work in a office under/with someone. Social interaction isn't a problem since I've my gf and several pets :D (well and occasionally parents/relatives come to visit).
Ah and I agree with cliffski, most people are totally boring or doesn't interest me at all. I am having much more interesting conversation through chat with some of the guys from IGF than with most people I met in my real life.

[Indinera]

To me "normal" work suggests images such as prison, slavery and so on. :(
So I would do anything to avoid ever getting back to it lol
This is probably doubling my motivation, as I've always been naturally passionate about making games, but now another reason to make them is added in the balance.

[zoombapup]

Meh, I work with people all the time, theyre crap. Especially the guy sat next to me (hi craig!).

Seriously though, I prefer working in a team and I prefer working in person. There's no reason why having an office has to tie you to 9-5 anymore than not having one. Certainly you can have an office and turn up whenever you like :)

Just make it close to where you live.

I'm a bit like Cliff though, I find your average person incredibly banal. However having said that I've met enough interesting people to know they are out there, so I try my best to seek them out when I can.

[Spiegel]

The problem here is that most people in this forum is actually doing something to escape the futility of today's society (normal) life, creating small (or big) business for themselves.
Its normal to see other people as banal, after all they bitch about life without actually doing something to change it (as Cliff pointed out).

They are the norm we are not, be happy to be loosing people skills, people are overrated :D .

Now on a serious, if you need more people interaction, just go out a bit and have lunch/diner with friends more often, invite them home, whatever, or just go to the local coffee shop and fire up a conversation with someone.

[Applewood]

I enjoy working from home. I can work in any clothes I wantHeh, this is what I'm talking about. You go from getting dressed to walking around with your dick hanging out of a dressing gown to nothing at all, and before you know it, you're dressing up in womens clothes. It's a slippery slope... :)

[Applewood]

Its normal to see other people as banal, after all they bitch about life without actually doing something to change it (as Cliff pointed out).Absolutely. I see most people as banal and boring whether I'm working from home OR an office. If you really a want a conversation about whether Britney Spears is drinking too much/not enough/just right, don't bring it over here. This shit pops up in "general knowledge" quizzes nowadays and all it shows to me is what an IQ of 100 really means!

[zoombapup]

Heh, this is what I'm talking about. You go from getting dressed to walking around with your dick hanging out of a dressing gown to nothing at all, and before you know it, you're dressing up in womens clothes. It's a slippery slope... :)

What you swingers do in your own home is neither here nor there :)

I can imagine some of you lot emerging from your cave wearing nothing but a long beard, a crust of your own making and some kind of makeshift nappy :) (daiper for you yanks).

I prefer to go out to work :)

[Indinera]

Personally, I do like most people around.
But I do hate most, if not all "normal" jobs - I cannot think of them as anything but a waste of time.

[PoV]

Heh, this is what I'm talking about. You go from getting dressed to walking around with your dick hanging out of a dressing gown to nothing at all, and before you know it, you're dressing up in womens clothes. It's a slippery slope... :)
Yes, and then you're spending all your time worrying about mascara colors and accessorizing. :cool:

But seriously, being able to go to the office Hugh Hefner style in just a house-coat/bath-robe is kinda awesome. Luxurious. ;)

I've been working from home since mid 2005. Tuesdays are cheap movie day around here, so I can hit the earliest showing of whatever seems good every week, and avoid silly line-ups and noisy kids. I get to work whatever stupid hours make sense. Sometimes that's early, sometimes that's late. I have 2 grocery stores in the area with generous hours (7-11, and 24 hours), so I can even do shopping at funny hours. As well, there's a good selection of Pizza, Fast Food, and take out all within walking distance. No complaints.

Socially yeah, I've certainly degraded, but I think I've past the point where I really care. ;)

I do like working in teams, but far more economical working solo. My first major project after leaving my day job was a team project, but team economics are tricky... especially when you're trying to keep a budget under 5 figures.

[Pallav Nawani]

Been working at home since 2003, and I don't feel that I lost people skills, though I must admit I didn't have any to begin with.
Recently we got ourselves an office, and I like it better that way! :eek:
It adds some structure to life, segregates business and personal matters. Now I can sit at home posting in forums without feeling guilty :D , and when I am at office I ignore personal matters, concentrating at work instead.

[Uhfgood]

People are scary... "retreats into cave"

And a shout out to my fellow Oregonians, I'm down Wilsonville way...

[Junkyard Sam]

Chaster - you are likely over-simplifying Toastmasters. Really, Toastmasters is "whatever you want to get out of it." They have the initial manual that exposes you to all kinds of speaking -- but you can specialize in whatever you'd like to get out of it... Your speaking doesn't have to be "formal" at all... There are stand-up comedians that go there to develop their act... Other people are just good storytellers, like being around a campfire.

And there are some people that enjoy the listening/contributing aspect more and don't even do much speaking. It's as much about being a good listener as it is being a good speaker... It's just a really constructive and social thing to be a part of, with all KINDS of different people.

It's good. =)

[TimS]

I like how people continue to reply to the original poster as if he'll pop by four and a half years later to see how things are coming along in the thread.

That said, this is quite a LIVELY resurrection of a thread, and a good conversational one at that.

I've been working at home for maybe two years and I'm with SteveZ on the subject. It's hard for me to stay focused and not spend "all day" kindof half-working. I'm getting an office just as soon as I can reasonably afford it (which shouldn't be long, given the commercial real estate and rental implosion going on in this country).

Must... get... out... of house.

[Deva]

One thing to seriously consider, is that if you find someone boring, it's very likely that they find you boring as well. The people that we have the best conversations with, who we can laugh with and talk to for hours, are those who are tuned into the same things and/or ideas that we are.

Still, it's possible to get a "boring" person to be less boring to you. You just have to focus on them, not the other way around. That's the one thing most socially-inept people never learn, or don't seem to understand.